16 November 2011

The President comes to Canberra

The President of the United States is nearly here!

My street in the Inner North of Canberra was blocked off at 5am this morning. The neighborhood pulled together and the trestle tables went up in the middle of the street before dawn broke. Now, the cutest little hand-embroidered American flags flutter in a gentle breeze atop platters of moist cupcakes. The smell of freshly baked Pumpkin Pie is wafting through the air. Red, white and blue streamers festoon the trees.

Previously arthritis-bound geriatrics spontaneously began to promenade in evening-wear an hour ago. The street echoes with the laughter of merry children gambolling as they wait their turn to have a Black Hawk helicopter ride from the park next door. In their down time, while they are not barbecuing in their Aviator sunnies, the Marines in the park are lobbing mortars at the ABC building on Northbourne Ave as per American military protocol on relationships with journalists while on foreign soil.

Alas, we have lost sight of the turkey who was due to receive a symbolic pardon from the President in a ceremony commemorating our two nations progress on the new Free Trade Agreement. Alarmingly, it was last seen wandering towards the Turkish Pizza House on Lowanna St.

The motto of Braddon's finest and only pide merchant is, "TURKISH PIZZA worth a try." In a linguistic misunderstanding, no-one knows if a unique addition will appear on their menu tonight, but the Secret Service is expected to investigate.

For security reasons, no-one is sure just what time Barrack is arriving in Braddon. I must off and take a pot of tea to the lovely snipers who have encamped atop the roof of my apartment complex - maybe they will have an update for me.

Patriotically, Tony Abbott volunteered to perform security duty, "While Osama is in town..." and was fitted for his uniform earlier in the week.

"Who wants to see my robot dance?" responds the putative future leader of Australia, to the moves of the number one break-dancing digger currently in country. Photo credit: Penny Stephens
It is going to be such an exciting couple of days.

Goodness, I need a nap.

Footnote (afternoon):

After going to the trouble of submitting this alleged "article" to the RiotAct, using Wordpress of all things, it was rejected for being too funny. Which is just as well, because the President failed to come visit immediately upon landing. Dissapointed sums up the mood here really. There won't be another window of opportunity this time Down Under from him to come round.

Indeed, I saw on the SMH website that he went to Parliament and shook hands with school kids, next to our Julia, who actually kinda looked like Cate Blanchett for the occasion. Also, none of the kids did high-five, which was pretty surprising really. They must have got instructions beforehand.

It may not surprise you to learn, unless you are befuddled of wit, that like most people in Canberra, there is no way I am going to get even a hint of a glimpse of our special visitor in person. Except on a television, which I do not own, or the internet, which I do. In case my eyeballs melt and I revert to my alien-form. It pays to be safe rather than sorry. Obviously.

Meanwhile, it turns out ASIO are really nice people. They just want to be friends and learn all about your friends.

No kidding.


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