24 July 2007

Life Before The Internet

Once upon a time ago, there was no Internet. For entertainment, people dressed in sacks and ate coal. This was one of the most significant boons of the Industrial Revolution: both sacks and coal were plentiful. People too were becoming more abundant as the invention of Morse code led to better health care and free lentils for everyone.

"Ah," the good old days I hear you sigh. Back then another common form of entertainment was exercise. Folk would cut firewood, carry water, plough fields, harvest produce, ride horses, work metal, milk cows and churn butter. If you asked them why, they would answer, “Coal tastes better with carrots.”

For this reason, nearly everyone was fit and healthy - with the exception of submarine commanders, tuba players and chartered accountants. There were doctors too of course, and there was practically no condition that a bow saw and a leech could not get rid of permanently. Yes, the 1980’s were an unparalleled era of wholesome happiness and robust contentment in world history.

1 comment:

John said...

Ah, I remember life before the internet. Although I cannot actually imagine it, so pervasive is our now copper and fibre-spun world, memory tells me life was still good, and sometimes happy.

As for life more historical and even more distant than memory, I remember being told in some distantly recalled history lecture that life pre-industrial revolution existence consisted of, for 95% of the population, semi-permanent drunkeness and vegetable porridge.

Apparently work was done in fields too, but considerably less in terms of hours, believe it or not, than from industrial times on.

Working for a wage in these times also used to be called "waged" slavery. Now we call it a job.